Before I became a mum, I thought motherhood would be hard because of the obvious things.
The sleepless nights.
The tantrums.
The nappy changes.
The endless snacks.
And don't get me wrong, those things are exhausting.
But what nobody really prepared me for was the constant thinking.
The invisible to-do list that seems to run through your head from the moment you wake up until the moment you finally fall asleep.
And sometimes even then, because let's be honest, there's a good chance you'll wake up at 3am wondering if you've remembered to send back the nursery form.
Motherhood Isn't Just The Physical Jobs
It's remembering the jobs.
It's remembering that your child has outgrown their shoes.
It's remembering they need a packed lunch tomorrow.
It's remembering the birthday party RSVP you forgot to reply to three weeks ago.
It's checking the weather before a day out.
It's knowing where everyone's favourite cup is.
It's remembering when the last Calpol dose was given.
It's keeping track of appointments, routines, nursery updates, family plans and approximately 47 other things nobody has actually asked you to manage, but somehow you've become responsible for anyway.
Sometimes I genuinely feel like the project manager of a tiny, slightly chaotic company.
And the company is my family.
It's Not Physically Difficult. It's Mentally Relentless.
The thing I've realised over the last few years is that motherhood isn't often physically difficult every second of the day.
It's mentally relentless.
Because even when you're sitting down, your brain isn't.
It's running through tomorrow.
Next week.
The next meal.
The next nursery run.
The next thing somebody needs from you.
There are days where I feel completely touched out, talked out and thought out.
And yet somehow, the mental checklist keeps going.
The Repetition Nobody Warns You About
One of the things I've struggled with most since becoming a mum is the repetition.
Every day can feel remarkably similar.
Wake up. Breakfast. Get everyone dressed. Pack bags. Nursery runs. Snacks. Lunches. Dinner. Baths. Bedtime.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat again.
Of course there are beautiful moments scattered throughout those days.
The cuddles.
The funny conversations.
The little milestones.
But if I'm being completely honest, there are times when I feel like I've lost a little piece of myself in the routine.
Why I Still Need Things Outside Of Motherhood
I think that's one of the reasons why Storme Diaries means so much to me.
And why I've always needed projects, work, goals and things outside of motherhood too.
Not because I love my children any less.
Quite the opposite.
But because I've learned that I am a better mum when I still feel connected to myself.
When my brain has somewhere else to go occasionally.
When I'm creating something.
Building something.
Working towards something.
I've realised that motherhood is a huge part of who I am, but it isn't the only part.
And I don't think we should feel guilty for admitting that.
The Constant Questioning
The other thing nobody talks about enough is the constant questioning.
Am I doing enough?
Am I doing too much?
Should I be stricter?
Should I be softer?
Am I giving them enough attention?
Am I letting them be independent enough?
Are they happy?
Are they thriving?
Am I making the right decisions?
It's like motherhood comes with a permanent soundtrack of self-doubt playing quietly in the background.
Even on the good days.
Especially on the good days.
We Carry The Emotional Load Too
Because the truth is, most mums aren't just carrying the mental load of daily life.
They're carrying the emotional responsibility too.
We spend so much time trying to make sure everyone else is okay.
Trying to create happy childhoods.
Trying to make memories.
Trying to get it right.
And sometimes we forget that we're allowed to be human as well.
We're Kinder To Our Friends Than To Ourselves
The funny thing is, if someone asked me whether I think my friends are good mums, I'd answer immediately.
Of course they are.
Without hesitation.
Yet when it comes to ourselves, we analyse every decision under a microscope.
It's exhausting.
But I think it also comes from love.
Because when you love something as much as you love your children, you desperately want to do your best for them.
Even if you're never entirely sure what "best" actually looks like.
Maybe Showing Up Is Enough
Maybe that's what motherhood really is.
Not getting everything right.
Not having all the answers.
But showing up every single day and doing the best you can with the information, energy and patience you have in that moment.
And perhaps that's enough.
Perhaps the fact that we're constantly worrying about whether we're doing a good job is actually proof that we care deeply.
If You're Carrying It Too
The mental load of motherhood is real.
It's heavy.
It's often invisible.
And sometimes it's incredibly lonely.
But if you're carrying it too, I hope you know you're not the only one.
There are mums everywhere mentally planning meals, remembering appointments, buying birthday presents, worrying about their children's futures and wondering if they're doing enough.
And somehow, despite all of that, they keep showing up.
Just like you.
And honestly?
I think that's pretty incredible.
🤍