For a long time, I thought self-care was something other people did.
The women with spotless houses, colour-coded calendars and enough spare time to attend yoga classes on a Tuesday afternoon.
Certainly not me.
Because when you're a mum, there always seems to be something more important to do.
Someone else who needs you.
A lunch to make.
A nursery bag to pack.
A pile of washing that's somehow reproduced overnight.
A snack request.
A drink request.
Another snack request five minutes after the first snack request.
And somewhere amongst all of that, your own needs quietly slide down the priority list.
Not because you don't matter.
Simply because everyone else seems to need you first.
Why So Many Mums Struggle With Self-Care
I think that's why so many mums struggle with self-care.
Not because we don't want it.
Because we feel guilty for it.
We convince ourselves it's selfish.
That there are more productive things we should be doing.
That we'll do something for ourselves once the house is tidy, the jobs are finished and everyone else is sorted.
The problem is, those things never really end.
There's always another job.
Another task.
Another thing on the list.
And before you know it, weeks, months or even years have passed without properly checking in with yourself.
A Better Mum When I Look After Myself
If there's one thing motherhood has taught me, it's that I am a much better mum when I look after myself too.
Not because I'm perfect.
Far from it.
But because when I feel happy, fulfilled and connected to myself, I have so much more to give to the people around me.
The Person Who Pulls Me Back Out
One person who has always reminded me of that is John.
Whenever I start disappearing into mum mode completely, he's usually the first person to pull me back out again.
He constantly reminds me about the importance of having my own life, my own interests and my own stories outside of the four walls of our house.
And he's right.
Because as much as I love motherhood, I also love having conversations that don't involve nursery snacks and Bluey episodes.
I love meeting people.
Recording podcasts.
Working on Storme Diaries.
Learning new things.
Building something of my own.
Having experiences that belong to me.
John often says that having those experiences gives me something different to bring home.
New conversations.
New energy.
New stories.
And honestly, I think he's absolutely right.
The Gift Of Support
One of the biggest gifts he's given me since becoming a mum isn't anything extravagant.
It's support.
It's walking through the door after a long day and encouraging me to go and have an hour to myself.
It's taking over bedtime.
It's telling me to book the coffee date.
It's reminding me that I'm allowed to do things simply because I enjoy them.
And for that, I'll always be grateful.
I'm also incredibly lucky to have support from my mum and John's mum.
I know not everybody has that village around them, which is something I never take for granted.
Whether it's helping with the children, giving me time to work, or simply allowing me a few hours where I'm not responsible for absolutely everything, their support has played such a huge role in helping me maintain a sense of self alongside motherhood.
What Self-Care Really Means
Because that's what self-care really means to me.
It's not always spa days and luxury weekends away.
Although I certainly wouldn't say no.
Sometimes it's a quiet coffee.
A walk.
Recording a podcast.
Meeting a friend.
Taking a bath without somebody shouting "MUM" through the door every thirty seconds.
Sometimes it's simply having space to remember who you are outside of your responsibilities.
And I think that's something every mum deserves.
Motherhood Adds To Who We Are
The version of you that existed before children still matters.
Your interests matter.
Your dreams matter.
Your friendships matter.
Your happiness matters.
Motherhood adds to who we are.
It shouldn't erase who we are.
Returning To Yourself
The older I get, the more I realise that self-care isn't really about escaping your life.
It's about returning to yourself.
It's about filling your cup often enough that you don't find yourself running on empty.
It's about recognising that you deserve care too.
Not just the people you're caring for.
The Permission Slip
And perhaps that's the permission slip so many of us need.
The permission to take the bath.
Book the lunch.
Go for the walk.
Start the hobby.
Record the podcast.
Do the thing that makes you feel like you.
Without guilt.
Without justification.
Without feeling as though you've earned it.
“"Looking after yourself isn't selfish. It's necessary."
And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that the happiest, healthiest version of you benefits everyone around you too.
Especially the little people who love you most.
🤍