There are some life experiences that no matter how much you try to understand them, you can never truly know what they feel like until you've lived through them yourself.
Losing a parent is one of those things.
I want to start this article by saying that I am incredibly fortunate not to have experienced this personally. Both of my parents are still here, and I know what a privilege that is. As I've gotten older, it's something I find myself appreciating more and more.
But over the years, and especially through conversations with friends, family members and guests on Storme Diaries, I've developed a deep respect for the kind of grief that comes with losing a parent.
Recently, I spoke to the lovely Jaye North on Episode 2 of Storme Diaries, where she shared her experience of losing both her father at a young age and later her mother to cancer. Listening to her story left a lasting impression on me.
What Struck Me Most Wasn't The Sadness
It was the love.
The way she spoke about her parents.
The way their influence continues to shape her life.
The way their presence still exists in the stories she tells, the lessons she carries and the person she has become.
It made me realise that grief and love are often far more connected than we realise.
Losing A Constant
I think one of the reasons losing a parent feels so difficult is because it's not just losing a person.
It's losing a constant.
Someone who has existed in your world for as long as you can remember.
Someone whose voice, advice, habits and presence have become woven into the fabric of your life.
Even as adults, we still often see our parents as home.
The people we call when something exciting happens.
The people we call when everything falls apart.
The people who somehow make us feel like children again no matter how old we become.
And when they're gone, the world can feel different.
Not necessarily louder.
Not necessarily emptier.
Just different.
A Piece Of Your Foundation
I've heard people describe it as losing a piece of their foundation.
And I think that's what makes this particular grief so difficult to explain.
Because life carries on.
You still have work.
Families.
Children.
Responsibilities.
People still need you.
But underneath it all, you're learning how to exist in a world that no longer looks the way it once did.
Grief Doesn't Follow Rules
What I've learned from listening to other people's stories is that grief doesn't follow rules.
There isn't a finish line.
There isn't a point where somebody suddenly feels "over it."
In many ways, the grief simply changes shape.
The sharpness softens.
The heartbreak becomes less overwhelming.
But the love remains.
They're Gone, But Somehow Still With You
You find them in memories.
In photographs.
In traditions.
In little habits you've inherited without even realising.
Sometimes in the way you parent your own children.
Sometimes in the things you hear yourself saying and suddenly realise came directly from them.
They're gone, but somehow still with you.
We Need To Talk About Grief
I also think we need to be better at talking about grief.
Not fixing it.
Not solving it.
Just talking about it.
One thing I've always wanted Storme Diaries to be is a place where women feel comfortable opening up about the things they're carrying.
The things that keep them awake at night.
The things they don't always say out loud.
Because so often we suffer in silence thinking we're the only one.
And usually, we're not.
A Problem Shared
Whether it's grief, motherhood, relationships, anxiety, fertility struggles or simply feeling overwhelmed by life, I genuinely believe there is so much power in talking.
A problem shared really is a problem halved.
Not because the problem disappears.
But because somebody else is helping you carry it.
And I think that's something we need more of.
More honesty.
More vulnerability.
More checking in on each other.
More asking, "How are you really?"
And actually listening to the answer.
We Are All Carrying Something
Because we are all carrying something.
We are all navigating challenges that other people may never see.
And whether we've experienced the same thing or not, I think we all have a responsibility to look out for one another.
To offer support.
To hold space.
To remind people they don't have to carry everything alone.
Your Grief Is Valid
If you've lost a parent, I hope you know that your grief is valid.
Whether it happened recently or many years ago.
Whether you talk about it often or rarely mention it at all.
And if you're currently supporting someone who is navigating loss, sometimes the most powerful thing you can do isn't offer advice.
It's simply sit beside them.
Listen.
And remind them they're not alone.
“"Whilst grief may change over time, love never really leaves us. And perhaps that's the part that stays forever."
🤍